I just finished a book for my World Lit - Latin American Emphasis class called The Other Side Of Paradise. I feel like these classes are comparative to editorial photography in the sense that they allow you to read things that you would possibly never have read because they are forced upon you.

The memoir is written by performance poet, Staceyann Chin. She grows up in Jamaica and this text chronicles her coming of age story. At a early age her mother and father leave her life. She moves from house to house where she is emotionally and physically abused quite a lot. She challenges all standards of their society with her innocent rebellion of Christianity, sexuality, and politics. She passes the high school graduation exam and is offered the chance to speak at her graduation due to her success under such challenging circumstances. With her extremely good grades she is able to attend school. After leaving her first school she begins studying literature at another. Here she comes out as a lesbian, despite the verbal and physical ridicule, defying all norms of Jamaican society. She moves to New York to escape all of the social strains on homosexuality and lives happily ever after.

My review and summary is fucking terrible. But the point of this is that I'm still wondering aimlessly I feel. Staceyann overcame a lot of shit. This book made me remember some things about myself. Things that I really like about me. Things I haven't exactly utilized lately.

I lost sight of a lot of things in the past five or six months. But I also feel like I might have realized the truth about a lot of things as well. I feel as if my pursuit of my dreams was a bit insincere almost. I was doing things for the wrong reasons maybe. I left art school to round my edges I think. It's been enjoyable studying literature and the likes. But while writing stories, jotting my thoughts, filling pages of my notebooks with stupid 3-d triangles, and sketching the nose of the girl sitting in front of me in the middle of class I slowly realize how my mind works. I have learned to cope with either attention deficit or pure disinterest in anything but what I want to do or think about. My study skills have improved by ten fold.

I just lost focus sending a text message and have no clue what my point is.

I just think that I have been in a hole for a while. I recognize that I'm in a hole but I still can't do anything yet. I just have to continue moving forward, finish this project I want to cap off sometime next semester, and go from there.

I feel sort of queezy typing this because I know I just have to wait to get outta this funk for all of this to make sense. Someday in the future it will hit me like a brick. I will realize what needs to be done. I will become excited again. My goals and future will seem as bright and in focus as ever before. I can't wait for that day.