I shot some sheet film tonight and it hit me that as I age I become more particular, diverse, and possibly complex. With these new attributes has come a selection of people that I center myself around because they "understand" me. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I often feel pissed off at a lot of things around me. It seems I've turned pessimistic. But then I realize I'm having to learn how to cope with these new issues. One of my main concerns is seeing people not following their dreams and aspirations. More than ever at twenty years old you see this rapid decline in motivation. You exit high school, do your mandatory first year, see that it isn't going to work and then loose your momentum. You fall into comfort and desire nothing else. It hurts to know some people desire nothing more than easy rent and never pushing themselves. I don't equate "following dreams and aspirations" with a career. Jake and I were talking about how sad it is that people might possibly be content with what has been placed in front of them their entire lives. That same landscape, mentalities, food, weather, religious and moral standings. It's the idea that someone might not understand how huge life can be. It sort of hurts the more and more I experience things. There are several people I see huge things in and I am realizing I'm not the person that is going to get them going.

I used to not drink in high school at all. It didn't appeal to me. I didn't have anyone I wanted to drink with anyways. It was always a show, like some circus act to see who could make the biggest jackass out of themselves. I ended up being sober Pete and taking care of the drunkards. I was Lloyd Dobler from Say Anything. But at one point I realized the idiots drunk driving didn't care about me helping or that they were drunk driving. They just did it the next weekend. I realized that they had to grow up sometime and I stopped trying so hard to cater to their repeated idiocy.

The point? I am realizing there is caring but then there is caring to much. It's not my agenda, it's theirs. I set my bar really high for people. But I wouldn't do that if I didn't know they had it in them. That fact makes it so much harder for me when they stop pushing themselves because I know they have it in them.

I sound like Joe Paterno at pre-game.

Enough pop culture references for one night.